Maternity: When Our Partners Do Not Appreciate It

Believe it or not, there are many partners and people who do not appreciate the task of raising a child, as well as the importance of childbirth. The first few months are physically and emotionally hard, so it can be just as exhausting (or worse) than an 8-hour workday.

Clearly, the choice to stay home for a few years to raise a child is a decision that can be made by both mothers and fathers. But there is one thing that should be clear: it is just as important to be on maternity leave even if we are not going to work.

In the end, we are also exhausted, and this exhaustion is completely justified. We will elaborate on this topic today at Children’s World.

It is important to understand that when you are a couple, then you are a team. If this basic idea is not understood, then the child rearing project will no doubt be extremely cumbersome as it depends so much on reciprocity, care and empathy.

It can seriously damage the relationship if the mother or father feels lonely or misunderstood while caring for the child and their partner goes to work.

When our partners do not appreciate the work we do on maternity leave

There are amazing and extraordinary spouses who make it easy to live a harmonious life. A perfect symphony where there are no reproaches. Where classic phrases such as, “I help my wife, or I give my husband or partner a hand,” do not exist.

No one gives a hand to anyone, as there is an implicit idea that when you are a family, you carry out a joint project. A project where effort and commitment are combined.

This pact has already been made, and if there is one member who decides to go on maternity leave to be at home for a few years to raise the children, then the other person should take on their role and respect the work of the spouse.

There are many couples who do not experience this reality. They are mostly women – and some of them men – who dedicate 24 hours a day to taking care of their newborns. They feel misunderstood and underestimated by their partner.

“My mother raised five children and never complained.” “But the only thing a baby does is eat and sleep, so you can not complain.” “You spend all day sitting down while I get up and work all day.”

These expressions hurt. Phrases like these can be devastating and cause a lot of harm to the point where it can affect children’s upbringing. This happens because a sad mother or father cannot give the best of themselves to their children. All this must be taken into account.

When mom or dad feels “caught”

When they get home and dinner is still not ready. The clothes have not been washed and the home is not clean, so they ask: “But how busy have you been all day? ”

It is very possible that our spouses only notice this type of thing. They will only see that now the baby is sleeping calmly and contentedly and they are relaxing while feeling happy and loved.

• If this attitude is repeated time and time again, the parent on maternity leave will start to feel terribly limited or trapped. They feel this way, as their beautiful task, which is to raise their children, is not appreciated. Because the person they love the most, their partner, does not appreciate their hard work.

• The vigilance we experience in the first months and years causes our stress levels to rise. We are afraid of falling. We are afraid that the baby is not eating enough, that they are not sleeping as well as they should. We anticipate risks and keep an eye on them every day.
• If at the same time our partners accuse us of neglecting domestic duties, or they criticize us for being tired, then something is wrong. They do not appreciate us. We receive no respect and this is a complex situation and something needs to change.

I’m home on maternity leave, but my job is just as important

In some cases, couples make an agreement: I go on maternity leave and you go to work. One partner will be responsible for maintaining the home financially, while the other will take on an equally important task. The task of raising and educating the child. Give the new life care and love, which at the same time shapes the couple’s roots.

Therefore, it is essential that the following is clear:

• Raising a child is not just a job. It’s a part of our lives, it’s a job that requires 24 hours, 7 days a week.
• It can mean you have to invest in illusions, time, love and commitment when you have a child. If there is no reciprocity between the couple, the project cannot be maintained. We will not be able to provide the authentic quality of life that will be best for our children.
• Home maintenance is secondary. Our priority should always be the baby. If our partner comes home and sees that the clothes have not been ironed, then it does not mean that “we have not done anything” all day.

A mother or father has the right to say that they are tired. They have the same rights as someone who has worked all day. That does not mean they love their children less when they say they are tired. They are simply looking for liberation, and of course, they deserve their partner’s understanding.